What is Gay?
There seems to be a lot of confusion about this and worse... many lies that have been around so long that they have been accepted as fact. Many of the lies have influenced society and certainly the  radical religious right (RR) and other conservative groups that all too often are maligning homosexuals with terrible results. For me, I have learned that being gay is only a portion of my total being. Yes, I am gay but I am also a Christian, a human being, a man, a son, a sibling, a friend, a co-worker, a lover, an American, and so many other things as well. Being gay means having an emotional attraction to the same sex, an ability to share a deep love. A love that is really no different than the love that straight people experience.  It is a lot more than a sexual attraction thought that is a part of it.

The Lies...
The Truth shall set you free.... .  In coming out and accepting myself for who I am, I have found truth and the incredible freedom it unleashes. I know now that what was imprisoning me were lies and distortions. It was the lies about what the bible said about homosexuality, lies about how gays molested children and how they recruited our youth. Lies about being unfit to be parents and unsafe to be around children. Lies that said we were less than full members of the human race or an abomination. Lies about homosexuality being a sickness and a sin. Lies about lust and free sex. Lies that kept us from feeling welcome to worship in our churches and lies that divided families. Lies that gave others the ability to discredit us and to control our very lives. Lies that all too easily were passed from one generation to the next. Lies that were free to flourish in the atmosphere of silence and whispers. The same lies that had us believing we were inferior in some way and the worst lie of all, that God hated us.  It is this dishonesty and deception that is at the root of what I felt and why others see us as they do. We are all victims of these lies. Truth, is power and freedom. Now I also know that knowing the truth, is knowing God. God is truth and the truth shall set you free.
 
 

What Gay Isn't:

• Gay isn't an illness. If it was I guess we could all get days off when we wanted them. "Hey boss, I'm feeling pretty gay today, I think I better stay home until this feeling passes."
• Gay isn't a choice, its not something I picked up, and heaven help me, its not a lifestyle.
• Gay isn't recruiting others in to it's 'club'
• Gay isn't  molesting children
• Gay doesn't mean feminine. Most look and act as straight as anyone
• Gay isn't lisping and bent wrists
• Gay doesn't mean flamboyant and lured displays of some.
• Gay isn't promiscuous
• Gay isn't your entire being
• Gay isn't catching
• Gay isn't about sex, it is about love
• Gay isn't a perversion
• Gay isn't easy

• Gay is Showing or characterized by exuberance or happy excitement; merry
• Gay is how you were born. Period
• Gay is a normal part of human behavior and can't be changed.
• Gay is living a life with all the same needs everyone else has
• Gay is usually the favorite uncle
• Gay is usually the best looking guys
• Gay is monogamous partners and commitments
• Gay is affection, loving, caring, sharing, holding, trusting, and supporting
• Gay is being sensitive and gentle, the true Gentle-men.
• Gay is honestly expressing your emotions and not trying to be someone you're not
• Gay is being just the way God made you.
• Gay is a blessing
• Gay is love

Some thoughts about "Special Rights"

I want to be accepted as a human being...  just for who I am.
Is that a Special right?

I want to be able to hold the hand of the one I love and not feel disgust from those around me.
Is that a Special right?

I want to live a life doing all the little daily things you do and not be shunned or hated.
Is that a Special right?

I want to be around children and not be mistrusted
Is that a Special right?

I want to live my life in peace and not fear for my safety
Is that a Special right?

I want to live with the one I love
Is that a Special right?

I want to worship God in the church of my choice
Is that a Special right?

I just want to be me
Is that a Special right?

Yes, they are special rights... because I don't have them.
        -- Jim Swanson

Is homosexuality a mental illness or emotional problem?

No. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other mental health professionals agree that
homosexuality is not an illness, mental disorder or emotional problem. Much
objective scientific research over the past 35 years shows us that homosexual
orientation, in and of itself, is not associated with emotional or social problems.

Homosexuality was thought to be a mental illness in the past because mental
health professionals and society had biased information about homosexuality since most studies only involved lesbians and gay men in therapy. When researchers examined data about gay people who were not in therapy, the idea that homosexuality was a mental illness was found to be untrue.

In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association confirmed the importance of the new research by removing the term "homosexuality" from the official manual that lists all  mental and emotional disorders. In 1975 the American Psychological Association passed a resolution supporting this action. Both associations urge all mental health professionals to help dispel the stigma of mental illness that some people still associate with homosexual orientation. Since the original declassification of homosexuality as a mental disorder, this decision has subsequently been reaffirmed by additional research findings and both associations.
 

I guess this is one of the most important things to understand about being gay. Being gay is something that most of us realize makes us feel different at a very early age. We just feel differently. Because it is felt at an early age it can not be something we are taught or are influenced in to. The only change that might be possible by our environment is how we react to our feeling and desires. Certainly in an environment where we have confidence in who we are and a sense of well-being, it is more likely that we are to trust our feeling and come out at an earlier age. Usually in our desperate desire to be accepted as normal, most gays ignore their feeling until they are ready to come out later in their early adult years.

The sooner we realize that this is just who we are and how we were born the less guilt there is for all concerned. Instead of trying to figure out the cause of a person 'becoming' gay, we need to simply accept it and move on with our lives.

If you think about it, if homosexuality is a choice, who would choose it? Who would choose to submit themselves to all the prejudice there is today? Being gay is not easy and certainly not a life that most would find desirable. Another way to look at it is 'When do heterosexuals choose their sexual orientation'? You might want to ask one and see what they say. No, its not something you choose any more than all the other feeling you have.

It is almost laughable when you look at the logic of those that say being gay is a simple choice. I will agree that accepting it is a choice and living it is a choice but if you were to agree that it really is a choice to be gay then what is the choice that is being made and why do people make it. The answers are interesting I think. The reason, it seems to me,  that one would choose to be gay must be because one is attracted to the same sex and has emotional and sexual feelings toward the same sex. But if you are not attracted to the same sex, why would you choose gay? There has to be the attraction and feelings. The truth is, you can not choose how you feel about the same or the opposite sex any more than you can choose if you like chocolate or seafood. When you are gay, you simply have different feeling. These are the feeling and attractions that make us gay. Are those that say gay is a choice trying to say we somehow are able to choose this attraction?  Like I said, it is laughable.

Sexual orientation emerges for most people in early adolescence without any  prior sexual experience. And some people report trying very hard over many years to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual with no success. For these reasons, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation for most people to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.
 

Sad but true... there are organizations that have tried to change homosexuals in to heterosexuals. This is as absurd as heterosexuals trying to me converted in to homosexuals. Being gay has a lot to do with our feelings and like all feelings, we can not control them but only how we react to them. We can accept them and let the natural love evolve or try to force gays in to suppressing their feelings which can not be healthy. Some may claim success in converting gays to being heterosexuals but in fact all that is changed is their behavior, not their feelings or orientation.

Thankfully, in recent years, it has been recognized that it is not only is it not possible to change a person for gay to straight, but it is also very damaging to the person to whom this is done. Sadly, there are many disaster story about such attempts usually motivated by religious organizations.

In 1990 the American Psychological Association stated that scientific evidence does not show that conversion therapy works and that it can do more harm than good. Changing one's sexual orientation is not simply a matter of changing one's sexual behavior. It would require altering one's emotional, romantic and sexual  feelings and restructuring one's self-concept and social identity.

 There is just so much BS associated with the gay stereotype. Things like it is catching if you hang around with gays too much or that they will try to recruit you in to being gay or that they attack and molest children. All this is complete rubbish and while anyone of any sexual orientation can commit sins and be morally corrupt. There is absolutely no evidence that gays have any greater propensity for this. Studies have proven that an overwhelming majority of child molesters are heterosexual men. Much of this misinformation is being spread by conservative organizations in an attempt to make this a more emotionally charged issue.  It is also true that while some gays may have feminine characteristics, the vast majority are indistinguishable from straights and are in fact all around us. We just don't know them. This is one of the reasons that the closet strategy works so well and also why you might not realize how many gays there are. We can blend in so very well. yet if the truth be known, we are all around you. We are you teachers, your doctors, your neighbors, we work along side you, go to church with you and sometimes are even part of your family. It is too bad that there is so much pressure to stay in the closet.

Perhaps some of the stereotype is true in that gays do tend to me more sensitive and gentle, perhaps the true gentlemen.

Lured and Flamboyant Gays

If you're like me, you are very different form the vision that some have of gays. A vision that has been unfortunately generated by a small fringe element but one that none the less has 'entertained' the media at such event as the gay pride parade. The vast majority of gays look and act very straight, not to hide so much but because that's the way they are. It is too bad that this element has become what all too many associate with being gay. This perverted image of what gay is also has a major effect on us that are struggling with our identities. How many of us asked ourselves is this what gay is? "But I don't feel like that or want to be like that." What we need are better examples of normal gay people that can be roll models that we can look up to and serve to show that we really are just like everyone else. Too bad, that so much of the gay community is in the closet. The fact that they are, only proves how much they do blend in with society.

Somehow, sex and particularly free sex has become associated with homosexuality. Free sex with no commitment has nothing more to do with being gay than it has to do with being straight. It is not consistent with a Christian life and this selfish instant pleasure oriented sex can be emotionally and physically destructive. As humans, we have the special God given love that we can share with others. Sex without love is nothing more that animal lust. It is This special gift of love that makes us unique. Love is so much more than sex. It is the total sharing, trust, and a desire for a life long commitment.

It is within the context of a lifelong committed loving relationship that sex can be a wonderful expression of that love. Sex is meant to be special not casual. To be special, it must be held precious. So precious, in fact, that it belongs only as part of the relationship with the one person with whom you have chosen to have a life long commitment. When sex is expressed in love, it involves the entire human experience, the heart, soul, and spirit. It is the most intimate sharing possible and a most beautiful and joyful thing.