Hey guys I'm 27 years old and live in southern West Virginia. i just thought I would share some of my experience. I
came out to my family about 4 months ago and i am still as hurt as confused as ever. I guess I should tell you that if i
had not met my ex boyfriend online I probably would still be closeted now.

Anyway, about two years ago I met what i thought was the perfect guy for me online. We had some of the same
interest,  he actually made me feel desireable as a person. I had never felt this way here was somebody who wanted to
know me and love me and i ate it up. I put my life on hold and moved  out to the midwest to start a life with him.
Everything was great at first, I felt like i belonged. We cooked for each other, we went out and had a great time. I was
so happy, I had what I wanted, a nice place to live  and a loving and supportive partner.  I would have gladly done
anything for him.

I was so enthralled to have someone (anyone) in my life who I thought understood me, that I became  easily used and
taken for granted. Things quickly fell apart. I had to get out of there, and i was fortunate to have. I left with lots of debt
and  a very broken heart.  I had to move back in with mother and I took whatever job I could find when I moved back
to WV. I am still in financial ruin and continue to suffer from misfortune.

My family has been less than supportive. My mother resents the fact that I'm gay and blames all of my misfortune on
that fact. My sister's reaction (she calls herself a christian) has been condemnation as well. Nobody sees or
understands my pain. Because of my self hatred and denial I was involved in abuse of alcohol and became addicted to
pornography.  I am alone and have no gay friends .I have contemplated suicide on many occasions.  I truly want
someone to share my life with and I feel that I will probably always be alone.

At least now I accept what I am, but I still long for a more fulfilling life. People tell me that I'm young and that it will
happen. They tell me to stop trying to make it happen.

I feel the need for someone to share my heart with more than ever. Nobody understands that. I want things to get
better and to be able to have the life that I want but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I still fight with my
self esteem  and self hatred. Having no one to share these feelings with just makes it worse. The saga continues.

Chuck ,  hoosiercub27@yahoo.com