1. Strum the guitar like Chuck Conners shoots the rifle in "The Rifleman".

2. Don't even consider lead guitar.

3. Have oral sex with the micrphone like the singer in the band "POOP FIGHTERS"

4. Learn only 4 or five muddy bar chords.

5. If you know more than five chords you wont be considered nu-metal.

6. So PLEASE stay under five chords.

7. Strike that! Make that four chords.

8. Dress like you are homeless.

9. Avoid the sunlight. (Being Pale Rules)

10.. One or two members must wear a knit cap.

11. Amps must be a Mesa Dual Rectifier with 50 stomp boxes or more.

12. If you can't afford a Mesa, a combo will do just fine with the stomp boxes.

13. Have a jumping contest during the chorus.

14. After the show you can argue who jumped the highest.

15. Jumping up & down is the most important thing in your life.

16. So practice jumping up & down several times a day.

17. Singer must deep throat the mic.

18. While posing your head must be bent while wearing a knit cap.

19. All 80's metal guitar shreaders are considered gay.

20. Shall not say Eddie Van Halen.

21. Shall not say Steve Vai.

22. Love your fellow dumed down bands.

23. Make sure you sound like all the other dumbed down bands.

24. Body Piercing is a must.

25. Pierce all body parts. Lips, nose, ears, penis, butt, tongue, eyes, hands, arms, legs, fingers, nut sack etc.

26. Avoid powerful magnets.

27. Make sure the crotch of your jeans are lower than your ankles.

28. Don't be offended if you see someone that can jump higher than you.

29. There are always trampolines.

30. Run and hide if MTV accidently plays a Van Halen Video.

31. Majorly run and hide if Eddie does some tapping.

32. Don't get mad if there is a dumber guitar player than yours.

33. If you hear a guitar player dumber than you hire your dog to play your guitar.

34. Strike that! More than likely the dog can play better than you.

35. If you like Marilyn Manson and Shock rock you may want to consider buying your next outfit at Spencers.

36. You owe your life to Ozzy since he promotes dumbed down bands.

37. Prove your in a dumbed down band by spelling your name wrong.

38. Buy your glasses in the nerd section like Linkin Park's lead singer.

39. Always have your earring in below your lip before you drink so you don't leak.

40. Don't wait till you're old to go bald, Do away with your hair NOW!

41. Strum your guitar like a windshield wiper.

42. You must always be mad.

43. Shall not smile!

44. Watch the new comedy show "Fuse Central"

45. Just go ahead and tatoo your whole body.

TO BE PLAYED ON MTV: Rule #1 Is to suck and to have a bunch of shrapnel hanging from your head, halloween make-up like Marilyn Manson and just strum vigorously. Don't forget the knit cap! And don't forget to jump up and down when the guitars get loud. They call this the nu-metal? I call it "Neutered Metal". Let's face it folks, music has really dumb downed! My daughter just recently bought a guitar and can play all that dumb down crap. What's next? The slowest car winning at the Indy 500? Roseanne Barr winning the next Miss America Pageant?

"MAGNUM OPETH" was in Guitar World a few months ago and they claim that rehearsing a lot would probably kill the creativity in their band.....HELP! 911?.....So I told my daughter she is only allowed to practice her guitar playing for an hour a month so she wont kill her creativity....

METALLICA NEWS: Metallica has a new CD out called "ST. Anger". AND GUESS WHAT?....NO LEAD & A Knit Cap.....A very dry mix. Muddy. And going with the same old dumb down flow. Now I wonder why they didn't go back to their speed metal roots. Could it be that MTV wouldn't play it?......Well?.....Metallica knows they would have to sell out to sell CD's...... AND THEY ARE WEARING THE KNIT CAPS NOW!

ATTENTION DUMB DOWN BANDS: Watch out, there will always be someone out there dumber than you......What we have now is "Who Is The Dumbest Of The Dumbest?"......

IN THE KNIT CAP SEGMENT: I don't want to explain to my kids why a couple of dumbed down dudes are wearing a knit caps when its like 90 degrees outside. I think they should do it in the privacy of their own home. Don't ask don't tell dude.

IN THE BODY PIERCING SEGMENT: Below are two links that will make most humans sick. MTV would love these dudes! I would kill my kids if they came home looking like these freaks.

CLICK HERE To See This Tongue Piercing Freak

THOUGHT THAT ONE WAS CRAZY? Well Check This One Out!



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